I want him to smile
I want him to lie back and smile, motionless
I want to suck on his genitals till it runs out of milk
Till he smiles, and a tear runs down the side of his left eye
He doesn’t smile
He doesn’t want me to milk him. It hurts, he says
He’s got no genitals, he says
He says I’ve rubbed him out of it;
He wants to move on top of me
He says I’m the one with genitals;
He wants me to keep still while he licks me
Close my eyes, and press my lips together
Then he wants me to open up in a form of a smile
What a change, what a change !
Patches of black hanging down the sky
Then I creep up his leg; a roach, that’s what I am
What happened to me, to me, with my big blue eyes !
I creep up his leg up up up
Patches of black
What a change in the sky.
A good erection, yes, the roach bit the penis
What a change;
I remember things
Things have changed
I remember everything
The roach crawls down slowly, feeling as tiny as a lonely ant
Orange light falls on the bed
It is an isolated room
Down on the floor is where we made love
There on the windowsill, where we sat watching neighbors’ commotion
They were loud at times, then we made love
I used to envy him for his thirsty vulva
Feeding him my forefingers I would envy his pain
He had pain; he says he still does
He says I rubbed him out of his genitals
I want him to lie back, stay still
I want to crawl up a wall
We did nothing during the night
Crying yelling shouting whining was all we did
We used the night for a stage, a crazy one
The curtain rise ! The curtain fall !
Fall fall fall, stupid !
He is beautiful, sleeping, sun rays on his body
Kisses, how many kisses
Countless kisses my lips tattooed on his skin
How completely, entirely, absolutely he is mine
I want to wear him on me
Wear him on my bones
He is a child born thousands of hours ago
In a shell, dark inside and chill
He saw me on a dirt-road; why was I purpled ?
The road ran down a valley, deep and dense
why was I purpled ?
I showed him my womb Bloody safe warm soft, ah ? I told him
He is an enchanting goddess with eyes of sapphire
Wearing sky blue sandals
With a dust of purplish silk as a gown
I want him to smile
He wants to paint me all blacks & reds
he wants to hang me on a wall, wash his brushes, and walk off
Bright sapphire smiles
Red ruby smiles
Sit back like a motionless dirty sea
Like a womb taking back his child
I don’t want to hide you
I don’t want to hide
Why don’t you hang me up a tree like a silly star
of course I hear the gnawing
I know it hurts
I see the clouds are crumpled
I’ll wash your gown, not to worry.
I’ll wash the sheets, bloody sheets, yes.
Davenport Toronto 1999